I don’t know about you, but I can remember countless birthdays when I have felt like I should be in a different place in my life. Whether it was because I felt my job wasn’t impressive enough, that I should have met “the one” by now, or maybe it seemed that I needed to have had a kid to feel my life was meaningful. Those are just a few examples of why I have spent too many birthdays obsessing over what I should have rather than celebrating what I do have. Well. I’m done with that sh*t. It’s painful and boring and soul-sucking. Dear Insecurity and Comparison, you two are assholes and you are soooooo fired from my birthdays.
I am 33 today, and this year—this birthday—I am IN LOVE. Yes, this is most definitely true in my romantic life, but that’s not what I mean. I am 33 and in love with this life. Now this doesn’t mean that life doesn’t suck sometimes. That I don’t get hurt sometimes. That I don’t feel lonely or lost or scared or sad or angry or defeated sometimes. I feel all those things, but I also feel absolutely in love with this life. And that is something very new to me.
As I was putting fresh sheets on my bed the other day and tripping the f&$% out about my upcoming birthday (where does the time go?!), I was reflecting on why I have felt so inspired, at peace and full of love lately. And for some reason, I immediately thought of my life as a recipe. Stay with me for a minute. Prior to recently, I hadn’t really known what I wanted my life to look like, so no wonder I have had so much trouble creating a life that I love. How on earth can you find the recipe for something when you don’t even know what you want to eat? What do you buy at the store? How much of each ingredient? And how do you put it all together? Seriously…how insane does that sound?!
I knew that I should have an important career. I knew that I should get married and have kids. I knew that I should have a fat savings account and a bomb-ass house to match. I knew that I shouldlook like a goddess in a bikini. But seriously…I’m not sure I spent all that much time really thinking about what I actually want. Just me. For my life. So finally, after 32 years, I took some time and space to figure it out. What is it I really want for dinner?!
After a lot of fearless soul-searching, I realized that nowhere on my dinner plate is a career. Nowhere on my plate is marriage, kids, a savings account, a house, a bikini body. Now, I am not saying that I don’t want any of those things, but those are not the “meat and potatoes” for me. My plate is this: A deep relationship with Spirit, a loving connection with myself and others, and the ability to make a difference in the world. That’s it. Simple. Beautiful. But how?
Well, now…we grocery shop! How do I get a deep relationship with Spirit? Pray, meditate, write, read, wander. How do I create a loving connection with myself and others? Empathy, vulnerability, openness, communication, creativity. How do I make a difference in the world? Love, serve, learn, connect, inspire.
So why. THE HELL. Was I focusing on finding an important job, a perfect family, lots of money and a six-pack?! In retrospect, I feel like a crazy person, but I also know that so many of us live this way. I mean, I did for basically my entire life. And this is not to say that I don’t sometimes feel inadequate or less than, or wish I had a little more money in my savings account or a little baby in my arms (OK; that’s a lie…maybe a puppy), but if I keep my eye on the entrée, I truly believe that the rest will lovingly fall into place. We just need to know what we want for dinner.
So here I am. February 15, 2016, and I am in love with this life. I finally know what I want and I finally took the time to figure out what it takes to get it. And now…it’s all about having some fun in the kitchen! Some days I get the recipe just right and life is absolutely DELICIOUS, and other days I forget an ingredient (or two or three or four) or am just too lazy to go to the grocery store, and I end up feeling a little “off” or out of place. But what I do know is that the days that I work hard in the kitchen are the days that I absolutely love this life.
Lucky for me—for all of us—every single day is a fresh start, a brand new recipe that we get to create for ourselves, that has absolutely nothing to do with yesterday, and absolutely nothing to do with tomorrow. Today is OUR day…and we get to do anything we want with it.
So, my dears, now for the big question…
What’s for dinner?
What's for dinner?
