Don’t look at me like that—I blame Helen Mirren. I saw an article on Facebook the other day with a bunch of awesome Helen Mirren quotes, and first on the list was this gem: “At 70-years-old, if I could give my younger self one piece of advice, it would be to use the words ‘f*ck off’ much more frequently.”
Oh how I love this.
It was no small feat—and complete libration—to start giving myself permission to actually say “no” to this or that, so the idea of upgrading to “f*ck off” gives me all the feels.
I have spent the vast majority of my life worrying like a goddamn madwoman about every goddamn thing I’ve ever goddamn done (and haven’t done, for that matter). Fear, worry and anxiety staked their claim on my brain looooong ago and have built this f*cked up little commune of self-torture in my psyche.
I’m not talking worrying about a health condition or fearing for my safety in a dangerous situation; I mean yes, all that and everything else in the entire universe. When I make everything out to be a really big deal, then everything actually is a really big deal. And life is super, super freaking stressful.
Prime example: In my last post I mentioned that it took me over a year to start a Facebook page for my blog. I mean, like what? Why? Because what if no one cares? What if no one likes my page? What if no one likes my posts? What if people think I’m dumb? What if I embarrass myself? When I actually put those thoughts in writing, it looks CRAZY to me. How arrogant am I? Like who really gives a sh*t? I’m guessing not you, amiright? (BTW, will you go like my FB page real quick? Bahahaaa, I'm so funny.)
Somehow I’ve built life up to be this impossible exam with tons of trick questions and I have to get an A or I will spontaneously combust (or rot in hell with zero FB likes—LOL!). I’m starting to realize that I have been treating life like it’s a mystery I have to solve. Yes, life is most definitely a mystery, but where and when did the idea of needing to solve this mystery take the captain’s seat on my life ship. (That was a terribly lame metaphor, but in the spirit of not giving a sh*t I decided to keep it. Aye aye, Captain Mystery-solver! Oh dear.)
So 34 years and a very exhausted Jamie later, I am ready for a change. Life is not fun when I’m busy trying to figure it out. And besides, if I haven’t solved the mystery by now, it ain’t gonna happen. Fear paralyzes me, and a paralyzed Jamie does a whole lotta nothin'. And my brain is just so damn tired already. So hey Captain Mystery-solver—f*ck off, mate! (OK now I'm just losing it.)
In exploring a new way of thinking/living/BE-ing in the world, a new friend and coach of mine asked me why I love traveling so much. I said because no one knows me or has any expectations of who they think I am, who they want me to be, who they think I should be—I am free to just be ME with a fresh, clean slate. I told her it’s like this big, beautiful, ridiculously fun adventure full of surprises and beauty and wonder and awe! I get to be fluid, flexible and spontaneous, and I never know where I’ll be from one day to the next—and that is awesome. I could feel myself light up just talking about it.
And then she asked me a question that I will never forget: “What if you approached your life the same way you do traveling?”
I think my jaw dropped. Holy sh*t balls, that’s deep. I mean, what if??? I seriously own travel like a badass gypsy goddess warrior queen, and I pretty much do normal life like a terrified little weenie of a woman.
She encouraged me to create a gorgeous, dreamy big picture, but what would it look like to keep the space between here and there completely blank? Take small actions in that general direction, but remain open to all the possibilities and be willing to reroute if and when super cool, unexpected opportunities arise. I just LOVE that so dang much.
Another mentor of mine shared with me over lunch the other day that she treats her life like a movie; she is just playing a role and trying on different costumes, experimenting with different plots, all the while just having fun with it and putting on a damn good show (I’m paraphrasing). She has a very deep spiritual connection and recognizes that the physical world is basically just a playground to try out different things. Her perspective was light and fun—and she is one of the most inspiring and influential women I have ever been blessed to know. I am pretty sure she is onto something.
Thank goodness for the people in my life who remind me that we can take life very seriously and not at all seriously at the same time. Life can be mysterious and challenging and a truly great adventure. And also a sh*t ton of fun. It’s not this or that, either/or—it’s alllllll the things and it doesn’t have to be such a big effing deal.
So starting now, I will let the mystery be a mystery. I will follow my heart, my gut, my adventurous spirit. I will tell the shoulds, the fears, the worries to f*ck off already. I will be courageous and take risks and mess up and be FREE. And I will see my life as a mother f*ckin' playground.
And according to Queen Mirren, it only gets better from here: “Your 40s are good. Your 50s are great. Your 60s are fab. And 70 is f*cking awesome.”
SO LET THE FUN BEGIN!
Life is a Playground—Oh, and F*ck Off!
