I received an email forward earlier this week with a position opening for a writer/copywriter for a woman I don’t know, but seems to be fairly well-known in the “spiritual world.” Just recently I have been strongly considering exploring copywriting part-time to supplement my current income, so this definitely caught my eye. Now, I don’t have the confidence or courage to call myself an actual writer—it’s funny how terrifying a label can be—but I have always loved to write and I’ve done a lot of it throughout my career.
For those of you who regularly follow my blog (Hey now, I have 15 subscribers! I’m one of them, but that leaves 14 more who aren’t me!! Yippee!), you might remember my old/new friend Annika, the Crystal Artist/Vulnerability Superhero. She is a recently freelancing writer, and in my not-so-eloquent paraphrase, she told me that I just need to start calling myself/acting like a writer if I want to work toward a career in that field. She said about 100 other awesome and inspiring things, and in my head at the time, I was like, Yes! That’s it! I’m a writer and I’m awesome and no one can tell me otherwise! I’m doing this! I’m a writer! I’m a writer! I’m a wriiiiiiiiiiterrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!
With my newfound confidence, I went straight to my computer, wrote my first blog entry and created my website. That pure, unrelenting confidence lasted all of 24 hours. I cringe pretty much every time I post a blog entry to Facebook. It is a daily practice to believe not only that what I say could possibly matter to someone, but that I can even communicate it in a meaningful way. It’s terrifying. But I just do it, and continue to repeat the affirmation that I am enough…exactly as I am.
Back to the writer/copywriter position. I have no idea if this email went to 50 people or 50,000, but I do know that the timing was divine and that I had to at least give it a shot. The email asked for references and writing samples. Hmmm. I am clearly not forward-thinking and literally didn’t save any of my work. I was blessed with my first ghostwriting gig a few months ago but the book is still in progress. I could bust out some random pieces real quick, but that didn’t seem very authentic. And what would I write about anyway? And then it hit me…my blog.
Yes, I understand that it’s six days old and three posts deep, but I did get a lot of positive feedback about my “penis mandala” the other day. Does that count for nothing? I mean, it was kinda funny. And it wasn’t even about penises. This is a tough one. So, I did what I do in most scenarios like these: I make my decision, and then I call my best man friend/lover and ask his advice, knowing full well it’s going to (lovingly) annoy me if he has a different opinion. ;-) Turns out he didn’t have an answer for me. He said he needed to think about it, although I suspect that he was probably trying to figure out how to kindly tell me that while my “artwork” was fun, perhaps it was not the most professional for a job application. Defending myself against the opinion he probably never had (read: the voices in my head), I started thinking out loud… (I say a lot of things before I actually believe them, mind you. It’s a little trick I play on myself!)
“Dude. My blog is me. It’s who I am. Clearly, it’s not a professional writing sample, but it was never intended to be. And it would be ridiculous for someone to think otherwise. It shows my personality and it’s where I am. What if I am just 100% open and honest with her about my journey, try to connect on a more personal level, and offer to do a complimentary piece for her to showcase my work? And my blog…I mean who freaking cares, right? She may not even read my email. Or she may think I’m a joke. At least I’ll have been me. And why would I want to work where I can’t be the real me?! I’m so done with that!”
Lover chimed in his gorgeous chimes and agreed, and we did our usual over-the-phone fist pumps, butt bumps and victory dances—we get REALLY excited over things like authenticity and vulnerability (he’s a total Brené Brown junkie, too). We hung up the phone and I made the decision that I was going to apply for the position and offer the link to my blog as my not-so-professional, balls-to-the-wall writing sample. I’ve spent way too many years working for people and in environments where I felt I had to censor who I was, or bite my lip and compromise who I knew I wanted to be. It may have taken me a long time to get here, and I still have to remind myself of this every single day, but I have come way too far and worked way too hard to live out of integrity for even one more minute.
So I did it. Application submitted. I guess the rest is up to fate. If not the penis, this very post could be the nail in my copywriting coffin, but at least I’ll know that I stayed true to myself. Besides, who wants to work for someone who can’t appreciate a nice d*ck anyway?
